Friday 23 & Saturday 24 November, 2012
You have no idea deeply sorry I am for what had happened yesterday evening when I was writing this letter to you to send you some lovingly Thanksgiving greetings.
While I was writing suddenly the track pad of my BB stopped moving and no matter how hard I tried to fix it by putting the accu in and out countless times, during the evening, the night and all day long today I simply couldn’t fix it this time.
Maybe you can imagine that this drove me mad. I was so sad that I burst into tears many, many times during all this time.
Because all I could think about was you and what you might think when there wouldn’t come a personal word from me anymore so out of the blue.
I imagined your confusion and I hoped so much you might remember that I had already told you a while ago that this problem could maybe come up one day.
As stupid as it is, none of my friends has a web-enabled spare cellphone which I could borrow for a while since I simply don’t have the money right now to ask one of my friends to go and buy me a new one.
So please keep in mind, ma cherie that if this nightmare happens again and when I then probably won’t be able to fix it again and I disappear again it could happen that I cannot give another sign of life until I’m back home on December 18th.
But please, please, please promise me to never doubt my love for you again, my beloved.
For you can be f-ing sure that I always carry you in my heart and that I think of you all the time.
Believe me, when somewhen this evening the miracle happened and this damned track pad finally worked again I was the happiest person on earth.
At first I read your messages for me and what I read made me cry and almost broke my heart, cherie.
How could you seriously think, even for just one second, that I wouldn’t care about you?
How could you doubt my feelings for you like that?
I swear to God I would rather die than to hurt you on purpose, or lie to you.
Honestly, you should know me good enough by now to know that I mean every single word I’ve told you in the past, my love.
You should really know how much I care for you and how much I love you, mon cherie.
You can be sure, nothing and nobody will ever change this!!!
Right now I’d love to take you by the hand and find us a cosy place where I could take care of all your actual needs.
So, imagine it’s me who lovingly does whatever you need or wish for right now.
Ma cherie, I hope you feel reassured now, safe in the knowledge that I love you with all my heart now and forever.
But how are you doing, beloved?
I worry about you, you know and I wish I could do something more to comfort you. But all I can do right now is to blanket you with my love.
So feel yourself tenderly caressed, cherie and know I’m with you in spirit.
I’m doing better every day and just the change from the hospital to rehab worked like magic on my crashed soul.
Hospitals simply make me sick!
While I was there one day my soul even was at the edge of giving up because it all became too much for me at one point.
Fortunately the love of my family and friends and the thoughts about you helped me to get over it and gain back my will to fight and survive.
Now I’m working really hard here to get rid of this damn physical weakness, which makes me crazy.
Your supporting words help a lot, by the way. 🙂
You have no idea how much strenght you give me.
Please take good care of you, my love because I want and need you in my life.
For I’ve learned one thing during this illness – a life without you is no option for me since I miss you way too much when you’re not around.
You mean the world to me and that’s a f-ing fact, my love!!!
Stay in good health and feel yourself embraced in a long and very lovingly VyRTual hug.
I hope you had a wonderful tofurkey-day. 🙂
Gute Nacht & lots of love ♥Xo
P. S. Would you, once again, please be so kind to tell you-know-who I love him lots and that I send him ♥Xo, too?
Thank you so, sooo much. 😉
P. S. II OMG! Have you noticed Bart Cubbins’ latest stroke of genius?
I ♥ this guy!
P. S. III Sorry that I needed that long to write this letter. I’m afraid I’m way too slow writing such a long letter via BB. Hmm…